My life is a trainwreck and I’m bringing a baby home in a week!!

My house is a wreck and I’m bringing a baby home in a week.  I’m at a loss for what to do.  Actually, my life is a mess right now.  I’m sure most of my family thinks I’m crazy!  I’m having a baby in a week.  I don’t want to live in this neighborhood anymore, I want to move to Tremont.  My mother-in-law has cancer.  And my husband is going to South America for 6 months!  On top of that, my finances are a trainwreck and my house has never looked like a home in the whole 4 years that we have lived here.  I’m at my whit’s end!  I cry all the time.  I’m sure the hormones don’t help! 

I’m embarassed to ask for help with my house, and my finances.  I feel like no matter how much help people give me, I’m just gonna end up in the same situation again in a few months.  Yet, I feel like I can’t do it on my own.  I don’t know how to pray about these things.  I know in my head that God has provided everything I need for today, but I’m just failing to see it. 

Yeah, you read that right.  Derick is getting deployed.  He’s leaving 18 days after the baby is born.  And, yes, his mom has blood cancer.  Its called multiple myeloma.  No, neither of those things will get Derick out of his deployment on August 24.  Not that he would want to get out of it.  He’ll be back sometime in January or February.  The return date is not set in stone yet. 

I’m not trying to solicite help.  I’m just trying to blow off some steam.  On top of all of this, Christian has to switch schools this year and we have to get rid of our dog.  I don’t think I could handle taking him and the other 3 kids to and from school everyday, and taking care of a hyper-active, one-year-old lab on top of everything else that’s going on.  I wish there was some way that I could live in Tremont temporarily while Derick was gone so that my son could go to school there, and in the mean time work getting ready to sell our house.  (My sister said she would buy it, but that wouldn’t be for another year.  Plus, I think she would have to run that by her fiance.)  That way I could send Christian to school there, and we could be closer to my mother-in-law.  Two problems with that.  How would I ever find a place to live right in town that I could afford before I sell my house?  It would basically have to be free.  And, I’m not sure my mother-in-law wants us that close.  I have too many kids and I think that if we come over she thinks she has to wait on us hand and foot.  I don’t want to be a burden to her, but I want to be closer in case she needs anything.  It brings me to tears just thinking about it. 

I don’t even know how to end this blog.  I’m an emotional basketcase these days!  Poor Derick!  My poor kids!  It kills Christian to see me cry.  He doesn’t understand why I do and a lot of times thinks it must be his fault.  I guess I’ll just stop.  I’ve got a monster list of things to do, making dinner and putting laundry away, being at the top.  Wish me luck, or pray for me, although, I’m not sure how to tell you to pray.  I haven’t figured that one out yet.