The main reason I am writing this is for Derick’s benefit. Maybe it’ll clear my head. That must be why I write at all. I sit at my computer and try to sort things out and God gently reminds me that he is still in control. This has been a stressful week. Not overwhelming, like the holidays were, just stressful. I know what is doing it to me. Its the condition of my house. Why is it that the condition of my house is so directly connected to how my day is going. If the house is clean, my day is great! If its a little cluttered, I can handle it. But, if the house is a wreck, then so am I. *sigh* I won’t be in this season of life forever, right?! Someday, my kids will be old enough that I won’t have to supervise their abilities to pick up after themselves. I’m just having difficulty finding time to clean. I started doing it after the kids were in bed, but now Derick has internet and he wants to talk on Skype then. I know… relationships are more important than a clean house. But my relationship with my kids seems to suffer when the house is a mess. Cleaning at naptime is hard because not all of my kids take naps everyday, and some days I’m just not home. And in the morning… well, who wants to get up to a dirty kitchen in the morning?! I’ll get it under control again. Just not all at once.
Today, I have Bible study at church. I think I mentioned before that my group is going through a book called “The Gospel of Ruth”. I am now facinated by the book of Ruth, and the hardships of Ruth and Naomi. There are a couple of superficial things that I am finding difficult about the study. Well, mainly what I have trouble with is the length of the study (9:30-11:30 on Tuesday mornings), as compared to the length of each lesson. There are no videos, there is no leaders guide. Its just me, the book, and the girls in the study. I guess its really not up to me to get people to talk. Its up to God to move in the hearts of the women in the study. And just because we have a short discussion, doesn’t mean that people aren’t hearing from God. I think I’d like to use the extra time we have to pray together, for each other.
I don’t know about anyone else, but I love knowing that people are praying for me. I have felt everyone’s prayers while Derick has been gone. I couldn’t have made it this far without them. Looking back, even during the Christmas season, when I was really at my low-point, I can tell that people were praying for me.
I’m sitting here writing my post for the day, and I can hear Brody coughing and coughing upstairs. He should stay asleep for another hour, but I’m not convinced he’s going to. I may see if I can leave him home with my sister. Kendra has been such an incredible help to me since she moved in. I know she doesn’t work very much at her new job, much to her dismay. But, is it bad that I’m kind of glad? I like her availability to me. And she does it without complaining. She will hold Brody anytime I ask. She will get my kids dressed and put them in bed or put coats on them and herd them out to the car (I’ve heard teaching little kids referred to being like herding cats, and I have to agree). It doesn’t bother me a bit that she doesn’t help with the cooking and cleaning. The main thing that she is available to me for is helping with my kids. And that is what helps the most! She is truly an answer to prayer. And what I really appreciate, is that she does all these things because she loves my kids! If she loves my kids this much, she’s gonna make a great mom someday! She’s going to Japan in a couple of weeks to visit her missionary friend, Hannah and to help with PAZ Japan. I don’t know what I’ll do while she is gone. I may have to move in with my parents. Maybe I won’t, maybe I just won’t leave my house for two weeks. The plan was for her to move out before she left, just in case Derick came home while she was gone, but it doesn’t look like we will have to worry about that. Besides, I think I’m gonna need her when she comes back! 🙂
Well, as unprepared as I feel, I guess I should close and get myself ready to go to Bible Study. God is with me. He knows what needs to be said. He knows how every woman in this study can apply it to their own lives. I pray that he will lead the discussion today, not me. I need to just leave it in his hands. He is the true leader of the study, not me. I am just the facilitator.
Proverbs 16:3 “Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.”