I finally talked to Derick yesterday afternoon. What a relief it was to hear his voice! I can hardly explain the miriad of emotions up until that point. I heard about the earthquake from a Twitter message. A re-tweet from a Twitter friend that said “Please pray for our brothers and sisters… after the earthquake today.” My heart just about stopped. I wasn’t sure if I had read that right at first. I tried to use the Fox News Alert app. on my Blackberry, but apparently that wasn’t “breaking news” worthy. (As compared to Tiger Woods marital problems and the like.) I was in the middle of cooking dinner and its amazing that I didn’t burn it. I just decided that I had to keep it together for the sake of the kids. I can’t panic because kids are the first to notice when mom is panicking. So, I went through the evening bedtime routine and then got on the computer and found out that Derick was pretty close to the earthquake, but I couldn’t tell how much he would have felt it. All I could do was pray and leave it in God’s hands. I have to go back to the verse that I posted on Monday. Now I can’t think of it off the top of my head, exactly but it talks about the spirit interceding for us when we don’t know what to pray. I didn’t know what to pray. I cried out to God for safety for Derick and for the other men and women in his unit, but what else can I say.
I texted my friend, Kim, whose husband is also overseas with the military. She suggested writing him a letter or an email while I wait for news. So, yesterday morning, during the time I usually spend reading my Bible, praying, and reading anything else God brings across my path, I wrote to Derick about my fear of losing him. Because of different circumstances in my life, I have thought many times over the years of what I would be willing to sacrifice in my life to see someone come to know Jesus. Myself, my children, my house (what if my house was forclosed?) But I don’t know that I have ever thought about losing Derick. I think I just always thought of him as the strong one, almost as though I wouldn’t have to make that sacrifice. (When I say sacrifice, I mean, would I let God have his will and take that person home? I want people around me to see Jesus, but do I want it bad enough that I would be willing to let God do whatever it takes without pointing a bitter finger at Him?) Suddenly, as I wrote my letter to Derick, it occured to me that one way or another, I will see him again. Don’t get me wrong, losing Derick would be absolutely devistating, but I know that Jesus would get me through. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, at that moment, that I am not alone in this. I remembered what God showed me on Sunday. He has not forgotten me and my children. He is still with me and he is still with Derick. He has everything that we need. Even in death, he is still with us. For death means that we would be with Him, face to face! I wrote all of this in the letter and I sent it to Derick.
The rest of the day I had my phone by my side, waiting to hear from him. But I was not in a panic. I remembered all of the good things about my relationship with Derick. I have no regrets. I want to be able to say that at any given moment of our life together. I am so thankful for him. He is everything I ever dreamed of having in a husband. I am truly loved and charished as Derick’s wife. The Bible commands husbands to love their wives and wives to respect their husbands. I think he probably fulfills that commandment much better than I do. He is so patient with me. He is never angry with me. (If he is, I have never known it.) I feel safe with him, protected. I know that he does what he does with the Navy because he is protecting me and providing for me.Thank God, I didn’t have to think about losing him any longer than just one day. I would have been crushed. But, like I said Monday, my hope is not in Derick’s return, it is in Jesus.
Now, just a few more weeks and he will be home.