South America – Day 104

I am slacking.  How is it possible or my house to go from spotless to disaster in one day?  How did I let that happen?  Do I just not care enough to take the time to make it better?  Yesterday I watched my kids playing and I just wanted to cry.  I watched them kick DVDs around on the floor with no case.  I watched them color themselves and everything else with markers.  I watched them pull ornaments off the tree.  I watched as they fought with each other and tormented each other.  And, meanwhile I got so discouraged.  I want to form new habits while Derick is away.  I want him to come home to a clean house but its just not happening.  Its clean for a few days and then I have a busy week and it looks like a tornado hit. 

This week has been a real struggle for me.  Its one of those weeks where everything is happening and nothing is getting done.  And today is no different.  I have MOPS in the morning and then Aida has a dentist appointment in the afternoon. Tonight I have been invited to a Christmas Open House.  I’d like to make an appearance.  But, I also, desperately need to go grocery shopping.  I just have so much to do all at once.  I hate my messy house.  I love my house, just not when its messy. 

I need to sit down with my calender and make a list of things to do today.  I actually bought a daily planner so that I could plan each day.  Its the kind with the time stamps on each day, in 15 minute increments.  My hope is to be able to plan each day according to what I am doing at what time.  I didn’t plan very well yesterday and my kids got out of control, followed by my house.  Last night, at my MOPS group dinner, we were talking about being obsessive compulsive, and a few of the other moms said that’s something they struggle with.  One in particular struggles with it.  That’s not something that I have ever had an issue with, and sometimes I wish I did.  Even just a little bit.  I am such the polar opposite of OCD.  My house gets messy and it stays that way, it seems.  This week has been one of those weeks and I’m not sure how to handle it.  I overextended myself and now I am paying the price. 

I know what my problem is.  It suddenly occured to me.  My Bible study at church ended a couple of weeks ago and my personal time with Jesus has slacked.  I spend time alone and I’m reading Christian books but that’s not the same as reading the Bible.  I need to fill my mind with God’s word again.  And I need to help my children fill their minds with God’s word.  I need to pray without ceasing.  I still pray, but not as consistently as I was before Thanksgiving.  I want my house to be neat and orderly.  I want to go grocery shopping regularly and I want to get all my bills paid on time.  I want to do it “all to the glory of God.”  and “do it heartily as unto the Lord and not to men.”  I know that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”  I need to remember that at 10:30 at night, when the kitchen still needs picked up and I just got off the phone with Derick and I couldn’t do it before he called because I got home late from someplace and I was trying to get the kids in bed and I still had to feed Brody and change his clothes.  And by the time I got all of that done, Derick called and we talked for a half hour.  Now its 10:30 and there is nothing I’d rather do that throw my pajamas on and crawl in bed.  I don’t even want to brush my teeth before my head hits the pillow, let alone do the dishes and sweep the floor.  But, my strength comes from God.  If I don’t rely on him to give me strength to form this new habit now, I will never get it done before Derick comes home. 

I have to remember that everyday is a choice.  Everyday I choose to follow Jesus and he gives me strength.  A clean house doesn’t quite have as much weight on it eternally speaking, but at the same time, I do want to be a good steward of what God has given me.  He has given me this beautiful house and everything in it.  I need to act like it was a gift from God, not garbage for the dump.  So, everyday, I choose to follow Jesus.  Everyday, I choose to pick up after myself.  Everyday, I choose to teach my kids these things.  Everyday I choose to speak with kindness to my kids and others around me.  Everyday, I choose to eat healthy and exercise.  Ok, now I’m running out of time in my day.  Let’s just start with choosing everyday to spend time with Jesus and clean up after myself.  And choosing everyday to teach my kids to do the same.  When I get that much down, I’ll add something else.

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