Its 6:55pm and 2 of the 3 kids here are in bed, hopefully for the night. I’ll probably feed Brody and put him down in about an hour. I have been working with Allyn all day on potty training. Today we sat on the potty chair as much as possible. And he was praised to the skies when he actually used it. I even treated him with a couple of m&ms. Tonight I went out on a limb and put him to bed with underwear on. I guess I just don’t want to give him an excuse to hold it, knowing that at bedtime he’ll get a diaper to pee in. I pray everyday that he uses the toilet.
The hardest part about Derick being gone is that at the end of a hard day, there is no one here but me. No one is here to tell me that I did a good job today, or tomorrow will get better. He’s not here to tell me that if I keep at it, Allyn will eventually pee in the toilet. Derick isn’t here to wrap his arms around me and just… say nothing. The hardest part of him being gone is feeling totally alone. I remember when my grandpa died and my grandma kept saying she felt like half a person. I understand now what she meant!
This week I got a new cell phone, for example. This is something that Derick has always done for me. The one time I picked out my own phone, it was a disaster and I have been carrying around pieces of junk ever since. I had no idea what I needed to get. I knew what I wanted it to do, but I also knew that I didn’t want to spend a fortune on a phone that my kids were going to break as soon as I got it home. I spent almost a month trying to decide. I finally got a Blackberry. All I can do is hope I made a smart decision. Its taking a while to get used to it, and my kids haven’t broken it yet. Both pluses. I haven’t figured out all of the features though. I probably never will. If Derick were here he would have picked the phone for me, and had it all figured out complete with all my speed dial numbers set up, before it even made it to my hands.
Actually, when I start thinking about him being gone and how hard it is, sometimes I feel guilty. It could always be worse. I mentioned my grandparents earlier. When they were engaged, my grandpa went to the Korean War for 2 years. They didn’t have cell phones or Skype. They had good ole snail-mail. Letters probably took several weeks to get back and forth. And here I am complaining about him being gone for a mere 6 months when I get to talk to him almost everyday and many times with webcams. *sigh*
So, its 7:30 now, and its time to finally clean my house. I have done nothing, but sit in front of Allyn and wait on him to pee. What an exciting day! All of my kids are sleeping right now. Brody is taking his evening nap in his bouncy seat. He’s so sweet! As much as I complain, I do love my kids. I think they are the most beautiful kids alive! I wouldn’t trade them for a million other kids! And I would be lost without them. It is because of them that I can keep going everyday without Derick. Well, them and Jesus! 🙂