South America – Day 88

I can’t believe it has actually been 88 days since Derick left.  Anyway, that wasn’t what I was gonna blog about. 

I posted a status on Facebook last week that seemed to get some attention.  I said that sleeping next to Aida was just not the same as sleeping next to Derick.  I know I have some friends that are very pro co-sleeping.  And about a month ago or so, I posted my take on it, as it has to do with my 3 month old baby.  But, I’m not sure what I think when it comes to my older children.  I deleted the status on facebook because I didn’t want to host a debate on my page.  (If ya’ll want to debate, you can do it on here instead. )  This is my situation.  Every kid thinks mom and dad’s bed is better.  I think that’s natural.  When I was growing up we didn’t sleep with my parents but it was fun on Saturday mornings to go lay in their bed for a while before getting ready for the day.  My situation is different now than it was for me growing up.  Derick is gone right now.  Aida has crawled in bed with me a few times in the night and, really, Christian has too… just not as often.  But in the last couple of weeks I found out that Aida has been sleep-walking a couple of times.  One time she was running all over the house and I didn’t wake up.  The next time she was in my bed and got up to start walking toward the stairs, apparently going downstairs for some reason.  I know that for some people, bringing her into the parent’s bed would be the only natural solution.  I also know, that if Derick was here, it wouldn’t be an option. 

No one told me that parenting gets harder as they get older.  I’m planning to start potty training Allyn today.  (Wish me luck… we tried a few day last week but we had too many distractions and had to put it off til today.)  Anyway, sometimes I think it would be easier to potty train kids all the time, than to deal with some of the attitudes and actions that come from my older children.  Parenting little kids is very black and white.  The answer 99% of the time is either yes or no.  But the older they get, the less the answer is just yes or no.  So, this “co-sleeping” thing is one of those gray areas.  I’m going to the store today to get Allyn some big boy unders.  I was thinking of buying a monitor.  I haven’t had one since Aida was first born.  I really haven’t needed one.  I never thought I’d need one for my older kids. 😦

So, here is my questions to start the great co-sleeping debate.  Do I let her sleep with me every night?  Do I only let her sleep with me once in a while, (because the other kids want a turn, too)?  Do, I get a monitor and then not let anyone sleep with me?  Do I just call a psychologist and take them to see a professional, mostly Aida?  I’m not opposed to that.  After all, I saw someone for 2 years, during the time I was seperated from Joe and going through a divorce.  Its just expensive and I don’t want to pay for it if its not necessary. 

I guess I just want to know that however I handle the situation, its gonna help.  But, I guess that’s not always the case.  We can pray and debate and decide and believe we are making the best choice, but the outcome doesn’t always reflect that.  What I’m really afraid of is that she will get up in the night, and I won’t wake up, and she will turn on the stove, or turn on the bathwater, or unlock the door and go outside.  She does know how to do all of those things.  And, her room is on the first floor and mine is on the second floor.  And Kendra’s is in the basement. 

II Peter 2:9 says, “The Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials and to keep the unrighteous under punishment untilt the day of judgment.”  The Lord Knows… what a comforting phrase.  That was from the last scenario in my Esther Bible study this fall.  Its tough being a woman who feels responsible for the “how”.  But, really, I need to let the Lord take care of the how. 

My Bible study is done for the year.  It will start again in January.  I’ve been debating what I should do between now and then.  Maybe I should just blog a little more.  God always seems to use this to clear my head and bring his word to mind.  Things that I already know, its just good to be reminded.  “The Lord knows…”  Praise God that He knows, especially when I don’t!

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “South America – Day 88

  1. I read a book on fatherhood that said if your child has a hard time sleeping, you should go and sleep in their room – as in, lay on the floor next to their bed – since they’ll have a much harder time getting back in there when you want them to.

    I have every intention of doing this, but more often than not I’ve brought Ethan in to our bed because I just get lazy and don’t feel like [not] sleeping on the floor.

    Anyway – regarding your question, from my one-child-household-and-very-limited-parenting-experience-point-of-view… there’s nothing wrong with letting them sleep with you once in a while, as long as it’s the exception and not the rule.

  2. Linda Watson

    Les,
    I have a TV monitor that you can borrow, which might help. You put the camera in Aida’s room and you have a handheld TV monitor in your room, sound also of course and you choose how low or high you want the sound.
    I don’t think you know this but Chris sleep walks, and always has, since he was very little. At first it was a little bit scary. Particularly when he’s sleep walking and is convinced that he has to save me and/or Brenden from the world coming to an end. We just deal with it. I’ve caught him walking around down stairs once and one other time out the garage door! We now have a security system, so I’m a bit secured on him getting outside now. But, honestly, you can’t worry about it. You just deal with it as it comes.
    I do suggest that you get stove protectors for your stove knobs. I have some of those as well, if you need them.
    Love,
    Linda

  3. tami

    We have always looked at it as “they won’t sleep with us forever and they’re only young once” and just let them sleep with us when they want. Ruthie probably slept with us the longest, until Abby was born, so off and on for 6 years. Abby did the same thing until Benji was born. Now, Benji still sleeps with us about 3-4 nights a week. A couple months ago Tony started coming in also. That can make our bed VERY crowded! Tony goes to a child behaviorist/therapist and we discussed the fact that he had recently started wanting to sleep with us and the events that led up to that change (a very emtionally/physically traumatic event). He advised us to let him come in for now and see how it plays out. His take on it is that Tony having sound sleep helps him heal emotionally and prevents other problems that come from a lack of restorative sleep. We have been encouraging Ben to sleep in his bed more often now, and he is. He, like all my other bio children, are sleepwalkers. Hannah went outside, Abby took a shower and Benji and Ruthie wandered all over. It is very nerve racking but they do grow out of it. When Chrissy was little she didn’t want to be in our bed but she did want to be in our room. we made a spot for her on our floor and that worked well. That is also what we are doing with Benji right now. We have simply told him he is welcome to come in our room but now he will need to sleep on the “bed” on the floor. He’s not so happy about that and has since chosen to sleep in his bed.
    Those are just some thoughts on how we do things at our house. On a side note, when I was talking to the therapist about Tony and I said that I know some people would really have a problem with having their kids in their bed, he interrupted me and said, “I climbed over one of mine this morning and just about stepped on him.” So, I know he wasn’t just telling me some psycho-babble.

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