Today was a really hard day for some reason. Lately its been the days that someone has helped me out that seem to have been the hardest. Today an Angel named Melanie did my grocery shopping for me. I have had sick kids for the last 4 days. I feel like I have been under house arrest. I usually look forward to getting out of the house on Tuesdays for Bible Study but today I couldn’t go on account of my kids. I hope they are better by Friday so that I can go to my MOPS group.
I am sitting here writing my blog, listening to Brody cry, and feeling a sore throat coming on. I feel so wiped out tonight. I can’t even tell you why. My kids have been sick, yes. But they are seemingly on the mend. Allyn acted so much better today. And the others appear to be avoiding the worst of it.
I got to talk to Derick for 13 big minutes today. I have been waiting for all of 4 days for those precious 13 minutes. Now that he is down there he’s not sure if skype will be an option or not. It may just be 13-minute calls every week. He’s hoping to get a phone hooked up in his own room so that we would be able to talk more than that, but right now he is working 12 hours a day and he has a Navy Seabee class that he has to take after that. Right now he has to go to someone else’s room to call me and I guess there are usually people waiting to use the phone so he has to keep it short. The time also makes a difference. It is one hour ahead of us, in Cuba, which doesn’t seem like a big deal. But, he has to get up at about 4am every morning. In a way, I suppose its good that he is that busy. When he was at Port Hueneme he had a lot of down time, too much, in fact. He had a lot of time to think about what he was missing out on at home. Now he doesn’t. I don’t have much time to think about him being gone, except maybe at night. Bedtime is hard. I just don’t have enough hands to get it all done without making someone cry. I try not to let it be me. Usually its Brody. I have to put him down so that I can get the others in bed and then take care of him, uninterrupted.
I thought for a little while that Brody was finally asleep, but he just openned his eyes and started wiggling and fussing again. Oh, wait, his eyes are closed again. *great sigh of relief*
I miss Derick so much. I miss the bed being warm. I get so cold at night. More than once since he left I have woken up in the night, freezing. And I have to get up and put sweats on, sometimes even socks. I hate sleeping in socks! I miss cooking for someone that cares what I make. (or doesn’t care, I guess.) He never complains about anything I make. I always make whatever I want and he always appreciates it. And if I don’t know what I can make, he gladly comes into the kitchen and whips something up… something that I would never have thought of. I miss loading up in the van and going to Target as a family because we need one thing and I just need to get out of the house. I miss getting up in the morning and offending him because I tried to make my own coffee. And every morning he asks me if the coffee tastes ok. For a non-coffee-drinker, he makes an excellent pot of coffee! I miss the presence of a man in the house… actually, I just miss the presence of another adult in the house.
People tell me all the time that they want to help. I want to let them help. The thing is, when I really need help is on the weekends and in the evenings. I’d love someone to just play with my kids on a sunny Saturday afternoon or to hold Brody so he won’t cry while I put the other kids in bed. I’d love someone to talk to while I fold laundry. Its always at the last minute, and at a really inconvenient time that I realize that I could really use some help right about now. The next thought is usually something about wonering how people survive when their spouse dies? At least I’m getting 13 minutes a week.