I’m starving. Its 10:00 at night and I wasn’t hungry at dinnertime. Now I’m starving. I have a giant pot of chili in the fridge and I have stuff to make an amazing salad. I could make myself a ham sandwich. But any of the above would involve going downstairs and actually making something. And going downstairs would involve getting out of bed. I’m just not interested in getting out of bed right now. So, here I sit with my rumbling tummy.
I was the one that had a melt down today. I’m so tired of my dirty house. And, I get so tired of the kids just making it worse. I know they are just kids, but Derick’s not here for me to say, “Can you just keep them in the next room while I get dinner made?” or “… cleaned up?” Or a typical question in our house was “Do you want to give baths or clean up the kitchen?” Usually I cleaned and he bathed. Now I have to bathe the kids and dinner doesn’t get cleaned up. I get so frustrated when I tell my kids over and over again, what I expect of them. And sometimes I think I’m just talking to hear myself talk. There are many examples today, but one was when I told Christian, as I was going into the bathroom, not to eat any more snacks before dinner and then I shut the door. When I came out, the kids were chowing down on saltine crackers (really… if you are gonna steal snacks, why not steal something good???) How long does it take a woman to pee.. 20 seconds maybe. And in that 20 seconds evidently they totally forgot what I said. I get tired of telling them 20 times to put pajamas on, and brush their teeth. I get tired of having sticky floors because they spilled something on them and left it to dry on its own. I’m tired of my bedroom being dirty because when I’m sitting in my chair feeding Brody, Aida and Allyn think its time for a free-for-all, no matter how many times I tell them no. I’m tired of my stuff getting ruined because apparently I haven’t taught my kids very well how to respect other people’s things. So, I had a melt down today. I yelled at my kids. There… I admitted it on the internet. Now the entire world knows that some days I just can’t handle it.
Do the seemingly perfect parents REALLY have it all together? You know the ones, they have a clean house and children. The kids are well behaved. They make a home cooked meal every night. And the list goes on and on. I don’t like comparing myself to anyone. But it happens anyway. Then I find myself assuming that people are comparing themselves to me. Certainly not because I’m this spectacular parent, but more because I’m busy comparing my kids with theirs and how much better theirs are than mine.
I know this is all just in my head but sometimes I feel like it just comes naturally. I even feel like they deserve it on occasion. Boy, I’m feeling pretty guilty now. Well, I need to go. Derick may call me on Skype tonight. Hope he doesn’t mind me crying on his shoulder through the computer screen.