South America – Day 36

I don’t even know what to write about sometimes.  I try really hard not to make this sound newsy, and to put a little feeling into it, but sometimes I just feel so blah.  I have missed Derick so much this weekend!  I don’t know why this weekend is so much harder than any previous weekend.  Well, actually, I do.  I think its because the house is a total disaster.  That’s it.  That’s all it takes.  I want, so bad, to just keep my house picked up.  Its not just having little kids that keeps my house messy.  Its having a baby that I have to drop everything and nurse 7 or 8 times a day.  And while I’m nursing not only can I not clean up the existing mess, but Aida and Allyn are determined to make an even bigger mess (or 2 or 3…).  I don’t know why a messy house affects me like it does.  I wish I could just take it all in stride.  Just do one thing at a time to get it cleaned up.  Sometimes I look at the mess and I feel just paralyzed.  Then nothing gets done.  So, that is my major stress tonight… my dirty, messy, cluttered house. 

Christian went to his Jolliff grandparent’s house this weekend.  He seemed pretty emotional when he was sitting with me in church this morning.  He didn’t want to be in the sanctuary, first of all.  I had to explain to him that all of the kids from first grade on up are in the sanctuary now.  No one goes to class for story hour until after the singing.  So, he stood and sang with me for a few minutes and then he started crying.  He said he didn’t know why he was crying.  After a few minutes he had me send a text message to Joe and to Derick that said “From Christian:  I miss you”.  I think maybe its a let down to leave one dad and not be able to go home to the other.  I think Christian really seems to depend on that masculine security that Derick provides in our home on a daily basis.  Tonight we went to Tanner’s Orchard and my dad went with us.  I think that was good for Christian to have a little more male interaction. 

We fed the goats, played on the playground, ate ice cream, lost Allyn… wait… What??  Yeah, that’s right.  This is why I don’t like going anywhere.  I was playing with Aida.  Kendra had been playing with Allyn, my dad had Christian and my mom had Brody.  Apparently someone (all of us at the same time) turned their back and that’s how fast he disappeared.  Someone said they saw someone taking him to security.  I took off running to the store office.  A man stopped me and said his sister took him inside.  They couldn’t find who he belonged to so she took him inside.  I, of course, didn’t feel relief until I had him in my arms again.  And, Allyn gave me a huge grin.  He probably wondered what all the fuss was about.  That boy is just like his older brother – he knows no stranger!

He got a piece of hard candy in the office and later Christian saw it and asked where he got it.  I explained that you have to get lost and then taken by total strangers to the office in the store, in order to get candy.  Then Kendra warned him not to try it.  I agreed!  I’m not interested in losing anymore kids tonight.  But, instead of hard candy, all the kids had ice cream and apple cider donuts for dinner.  What a good mom I am!!  And, Christian actually asked if we could have a real dinner when we got home.  I, of course, said no. 

Oh, I think its time for me to sign off.  I am so tired!  Keeping up with 4 kids wipes me out everyday!  Anytime anyone wants to come play with them or take them off my hands for a while I’ll let ya… but not this weekend.  This weekend I’ll be in California visiting Derick with his little girl and new baby.  I wish I could take all my kids, especially after I saw Christian crying in church today, but, well, I can only do what God provides for me to do.

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