I can’t believe its been a whole month since Derick left. The month has gone by really fast! And at the same time, it has just crawled by. Having people around from church has really helped. I’m starting to get adjusted to cooking for myself. Brody usually wants to be held when its time to cook. But I usually have to let him sit in his bouncy seat and fuss. The other kids try to comfort him for me, but depending on who is doing the comforting, it may or may not work. But we manage. Last night Amelia and Madison were at my house. I was cooking dinner and he was fussing, and I wasn’t really paying attention since its a nightly occurance now. They must have noticed because they came in and asked if they could hold him for me. Sure, of course! I’ll let anyone come hold a baby for me. Evening is when he really needs attention because its the time of day when all my kids need attention at once.
Today is Bible Study and I am really looking forward to it. I have been feeling especially lonely for the last couple of days. I know its because I haven’t been able to talk to Derick at all. I usually get one or 2 text messages from him each day. I’m not sure if he’s really supposed to be texting me but he has been. He’s out in the mountains in California somewhere, camping for a field exercise. I usually get a message when he wakes up and one when he goes to bed. The next time I’ll get to talk to him should be Sunday.
Its interesting how things change when he’s not here. And how different things are this time while he’s gone than last time. Of course, this time I have a baby, so there is one more person in our house. The others are older. Its funny for me to think that Aida was the same age the first time Derick left as Allyn is now. She was so different than Allyn is. One of the big things that I notice is that I could trust her around my cooking not to touch anything that was hot. Allyn… not so much. I’m always afraid that when I open the oven he is going to put his hands right on the hot door. And I have seen him reaching for hot pans more times than I care to admit. He’s never really burned himself. But he’s gotten close enough to know that something is hot and I would have thought, he’d learned his lesson by now. Aida on the other had (the one I can trust) has burned herself. It was my fault. I put a pan on the stove and turned the burner on, but I didn’t tell her it was on. She touched when I turned around, it to push it back from the edge and it was already hot. Last time he was gone, I actually went places with all 3 kids. I didn’t do major grocery shopping, but if I needed just a few things I just loaded them up and went. And I took them out to eat on Friday nights. People thought I was nuts but I needed that time out of the house. I just planned on moving a lot slower than most people. This time I don’t think I’d even consider going in public with all 4 kids. That does make it harder, because I don’t get away from the house nearly as much. But in a way its good, because if somethings a mess or needs to be done at home, I’m there to do it. I can’t just ignore it. I really didn’t want to write today. I think its like spending time in therapy. I don’t want to go but in the end it helps to get things out and talk about them.
I had another provision from God. My church volunteered to pay my mortgage for one month. I was pretty excited. They asked me to send them the most recent statement, so I did. Well, when I got the next statement in the mail, they had actually paid 2 months! What a blessing from God!! God has just proven over and over again, to me, how faithful he is, and how he can provided in abundance! What looked like an insurmountable amount of money to pay bills and go visit Derick has turned out to be pocket change to God! He owns the cattle on a thousand hills. This is nothing to him! I am His child, he is my Father. What father doesn’t want to bless his child??
I think that’s a good thought to end on today. It kind of lifts my spirits a little, to think about my Father God, a loving, adoring doting father that has everything in my life planned out for my best interest and always to show his Glory!