Wow! The last couple of days have been really tough! I have been fighting this cold for a week now, and it just doesn’t seem to be going away. It is draining my energy, so that I am running on empty when it comes to taking care of my kids. Some of the daily struggles that I have with my kids are:
– Everytime I sit down to nurse, Aida and Allyn find something to snack on or something to tear apart or some other way to get into trouble.
– Christian is constantly asking to play video games, as if there is NOTHING else in the world to do, no matter what I said 5 minutes ago when he asked the same question.
– Allyn probably shouldn’t take naps anymore or should at least sleep less in the afternoon, because he takes at least an hour to fall asleep at night now. (But, I just enjoy the peace so much!)
– Brody wants to be held at dinner time, or when it is time to make dinner. And if I don’t, he cries… not as much as some babies do, but still. I want to hold him when I hear him crying, but I have 3 other kids that demand my attention too. So, there are times when we all just have to do what we need to do while we listen to him cry.
Today Aida scribbled, with a crayon, on the wall in the hallway. I took her to the bathroom to give her and spanking and as soon as I told her it was time to go to the bathroom, she threw herself on the floor and started thrashing her arms and legs. She did the same thing last night when I told her she was getting a spanking for wetting her pants and then lying to me about it. She is a good girl most of the time, but when she is bad, she is really bad. I think Derick’s absence and having a new baby all at once is affecting her more than the rest of the kids. She doesn’t mope around like I would, it just comes out in occasional screaming fits.
Allyn on the other hand, doesn’t even seem to realize that Derick is gone. When he does something wrong its not intentional, like it is with Aida. He is usually just trying to have fun or get close to me and Brody. He loves throwing balls. Today while I was in the bathroom with Aida, he got out a couple boxes of lightbulbs and started throwing the bulbs. He threw one at Christian and it hit his shoulder and broke on the floor behind him. And he threw one by the bathroom. I had to make sure everyone stayed where they were so I could tiptoe to my room to put shoes on before I could go get the broom.
Christian just wants so bad to spend time with me. Its so hard to give him my undivided attention when I have 2 little kids acting like that, and a newborn baby that needs constant care. I finally told him that next Friday night, I will get a babysitter for Aida and Allyn and he and I can go out by ourselves (well, with Brody, of course). Kendra told me that weekend is the Pumpkin Festival, so I think we may go to that. He was pretty excited when we made those plans.
I think I haven’t been praying enough. I haven’t been losing my temper really. I just get really down about things. I really miss Derick! I haven’t gotten to talk to him much for the last couple of days, and his pay has been messed up. Military pay confuses me sometimes! But, I know if I pray, more than I have, anyway, I would definitely not have so many times when I get down on myself. Having Derick gone, suprisingly, isn’t the hardest part. Its having him gone with 3 very little kids, one of them being a newborn. I think the next deployment will be easier, just because the kids will be older and a little more self sufficient. But, back to the subject of prayer… I know I need to spend more time in prayer. Pray for Derick, of course, and his safety. Pray for healing for his mom. Pray for the safety of my kids and for their relationship with Jesus. If I don’t pray for my husband and my kids, at least, then who will?
“Be anxious for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding shall keep your hearts and mind through Christ Jesus. Finally brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
Praise the Lord… for good days and bad.
“This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.”
I do think the Lord hears my prayers as I write my blog. It seems to help calm my spirit and clear my head. I know that I have that peace that “passeth all understanding.” The kind of peace that cannot be explained, the kind that seemingly comes out of nowhere. I know that we are doing the right thing. I know I am not crazy for agreeing with Derick about joining the Navy and going to South America. I know I’m not crazy for wanting 4 kids, not just 2 or 3. I am confident that this is the path that God has chosen for us and inspite of the next to impossible days, I can still rest in my Father’s arms, knowing that we are going in the right direction, doing what he has asked us to do.