I tried to clean my house today. It never works, but I try anyway. Anyone who has ever dropped by my house unexpectedly probably just peed their pants from laughing so hard when I said I actually tried to clean my house. Like I said, it didn’t work, it never works and most of the time you can’t even tell that I tried. I will never understand how people with little kids have the time and energy to keep their house clean all the time. I long to be able to do that. Even when my house is clean it is still messy because there seem to be piles of stuff with which I haven’t the foggiest idea what to do. In a way this almost makes it a relief that Derick isn’t here to see the mess for a while. I know that he would appreciate it if I did a better job of cleaning the house everyday, I want to have it clean for him and I feel guilty when I don’t. He never complains but I feel bad. I feel like I’ve failed him. I want him to be king of his castle but that’s hard when the castle resembles a salvage yard.
So, I cleaned the kitchen sink today, and loaded the dishwasher, did some laundry. Then I cleared off the top of the microwave. It seems to be a catch-all in our house. I wanted to really clean the kitchen but every time I’d leave Aida and Allyn by themselves one of them would make another mess or they would get in a fight. Or sometimes they just want to “help”. I usually end up rewashing clothes or mopping up a puddle off the kitchen floor. (Today the puddle – lake – was on the bathroom floor. But they weren’t helping, their playtime in the tub got a little carried away.)
This evening my sister, Carrie, and my mom came over to help me clean the basement. It was such… a… mess… I will never know how it got that way or why we have never really cleaned it. I think we need a truck in order to really clean it. We need a truck parked in our driveway, so we can just start loading up unwanted items and clothes and take them to the mission or good will or something. Carrie thinks we need the show, Clean Sweep to come to my house. That would be great except for the fact that I would be embarassed for the whole world to see my mess. My sister, Kendra, is supposed to be moving in with me. (She’s seen the mess before.) My mom thinks its a bad idea because she thinks we’ll kill each other. She said that Kendra won’t be available to help me as much as I probably would be expecting. I’m not really expecting too much. I mostly just want company. I feel clostrophobic after being here all day with little kids and not talking to a single adult.
So, tomorrow I continue the daily quest for a clean and organized house. I want my kids to have a place that they are proud to call home, that they aren’t afraid to bring home their friends. Someday, I’ll have that. In the mean time, does anyone want to come over tomorrow to hold a baby and play with a couple of toddlers for me? Near impossible to get things done with them in the same room.