I must have spoken too soon this morning. Disaster has struck and it is only day 4. I lost Derick’s dog today. I, personally, was not particularly attached to the dog, but I would rather have found him a good home than just let him loose in the great city of Peoria, IL. I put him in the back yard at about 7:30 this morning and that was the last time I saw him. I remember thinking at some point during the day, that Jack was being particularly quiet today but I didn’t bother to check on him. Then at 6:00 tonight, when I went outside to bring him in, he was gone. I was invited to go to my parents house for dinner tonight, and Brody was already hungry so I didn’t have time to drive the neighborhood on the off-chance that I would find him. Since I don’t know when he got out of the back yard, I have no idea how far away he could be. I called Derick immediately and as soon as I told him what happened, I started sobbing! I don’t miss having a dog, but I feel terrible that Derick left his dog in my care, and within less than a week, I lost it.
I cried for quite a while, (until I got a phone call and had to compose myself). I cried because I did $350 worth of hair services to pay for him. I cried because he wasn’t my dog, he was Derick’s, and as much as I resented the dog, I love Derick and if he had asked me to keep Jack for the whole 6 months while he was gone, I would have done it. I probably would have agreed, knowing that I really didn’t have the time or the energy to take care of him and 4 kids and a house and myself, but would have done it anyway just because I love him that much! I cried because we never took the time that we needed to train him the way he should have been trained. He had the potential to be a great dog! I, however, do not have the potential needed to become a great pet owner. I’ve decided that I’m just not cut out for that. And, I cried because now this potentially great dog is out roaming the streets when a family could be learning to love him.
Yesterday I mentioned that I had a little scare with Allyn at the soccer game. He kept wandering off, making new friends when I had my back turned. The last time that he wandered off, I went to look for him in the same place that he had been going ever time he left my line of vision… but he wasn’t there. I looked all around me and didn’t see him anywhere. My heart started beating a mile a minute. I was about 2 seconds away from an all out panic attack, when I spotted him standing by the sidelines making eyes at a spectator. I collected myself, retrieved my son, and promptly decided to go home. I’d had enough soccer for one night. All the way home my heart was still pounding! So, the last reason that I cried, is the thought that the lost dog, could have very easily been a lost child. The very thought brings tears to my eyes.
I have this horrible fear of something happening to my kids. I know the Bible speaks against fear. I’ve heard all the verses like “Perfect love casts out fear.” “I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?’ The Bible is just filled with verses like that. But, still, I struggle. Is this something that every parent struggles with? Sometimes, I feel almost paralysed with the fear that something is going to happen to one of my children that maybe I could have prevented. Then I won’t have my child anymore, and everyone will blame me, including myself. How would I ever forgive myself?? Or worse yet, what if my kids hurt each other? And, how could I ever call Derick to tell him something tragic has happened while he was gone? Just pray, just give it too God. It sounds so incredibly “Christian” and so cliche’. You know how people, who have been groomed by the church, just know the “right” answer to all the questions?? That just sounds like a “right” answer… even though I know it to be true. No one else could calm my fears but God, himself. And, the great part is… he WANTS to calm my fears. “Cast your cares on Him for He cares for you!” *sigh*
Well, on another topic, I think I may have found the source of the infestation of flies in my house… a dirty dump sink in my laundry room. I’m not sure how it got that dirty, but apparently it did. These flies seemed to be getting worse in my house. No matter how much I cleaned it, they wouldn’t go away. Well, I’ve notice over the last couple of days that they seemed to be worse in the basement/laundry room. The only place I could think of, that they could be coming from is this sink. So, I scoured the sink today and poured vinegar down the drain. Tonight I went down there just to see if they were still swarming, and to my pleasant suprise, there were only a fraction of the flies in the sink as compared to this morning! YAY!! Let’s hope this lasts. I’m so sick and tired of killing flies, and shooing flies away, and cleaning up flies and bug spray off my counter and other places!